After waiting for my bf, after 9 hours were finally off. it was a promising night, the sky is clear, the people up and about, air thick with smoke, the same makati nightime we walked from glorietta to the parks around the city finally settling down to salcedo park, we watched how people do their nightly run, diffrent race, kids with american accents, funny actually a mix of people in an enchanting piece of land located in one of the bussiest place in manila...we talked of the future and our fears, our hopes and dreams, and our plans it was a wonderful night, when suddenly i felt weird i know that i havent really eaten anything that day, but i remembered that i had an apple in my bag, and so i munch away thinking about the future then i suddenly felt sick, i wanna puke, but i thought that i can handle it or its just me and i just need to unbutton my pants so that i can breathe easily.. well after that lets just say that im running towards the nearest restroom that i can find, first in a starbucks restroom, second in paseo center and lets just say tha the rest where everywhere, in front of petron, in the gas stations cr...literally everywhere..at first i thought that it was just the apple or the fit and right that i had, but it accured to me my body might be rejecting food, well this hasnt happen to me, but iv'e been trying to lose wait all my life im in my healthy state now, but on the back of my mind there allways a voice telling me that's too much or too many, or you need to lose more weight even though im in the best shape ever...i think society got to me an image of a perfect person, bulging muscles, a size 29 waistline, and a muscular physique, shallow it may seem but we know that this has been a standard of beauty for men, and no matter how we shrug ourshoulders the little voice on the back of our heads are saying otherwise...well i thought it was too much dieting i havent really eaten anything that day an apple can make me puke? well that's what happened... i was scared i don't know what to do... i took a rest, i ate something warm (kfc's soup) but everything that i ingest just go back up heck even water i puke...luckly i was withsomeone who cared enough and had a alertness to take me in makati med..well i was not up for it, i don't want to be hospitalized with bills and medical hoora's im against the idea...what i wanted was the feeling to go away...but i let him take me, he having the better judgement and thinking at that time...i slept at his lap on the cab going there, when we got there it was the usual checking and signing of papers, nurses pretending to be uber attentive and smart and very put together i hated it, i never was a person who show themselves being weak or helpless... i was injected with some medicine stuff that i cant even pronounce..lets just say after that i was woozy everything was blurry all i can see is a bed and its soothing voice telling me "come here"...after an hour or so i was ok...i learned that night that do not take yourself for granted... yes society's pressure is a contributing to what i feel and what i think what is right but im learning to breathe and le go...
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